Trust is a concept that has a lot of depth. Our level of trust should be flexible, depending on the situation. Understanding the variation helps shape relationships and expectations.
A few years ago, I was asked by a good friend how I would define trust. I can’t remember what I said, probably because it was not nearly as meaningful as the insight my friend gave. “Never trust a two-year-old with a knife,” he said. That concept wasn’t new to me – I have six kids! But as we ruminated together about why we trust differently given unique scenarios, it became very apparent that trust needed some definition.
To shape my perspective, he used a person we all generally recognize in high esteem: our Moms. He was brilliantly teaching me in a way that would deeply root a concept in my heart and mind that has become an active ingredient in how I view relationships. Here’s what he shared with me:
Integrity – My Mom won’t rob me.
Warren Buffet once said, “in looking for people to hire, you look for three qualities: integrity, intelligence, and energy. And if you don’t have the first, the other two will kill you.” Similarly, a basic conversation about trust can’t begin without the foundation of integrity. Anything else would be a facade.
Capability – My Mom can’t fly a 747 across the US.
Sure, you may have a high integrity person, but that doesn’t mean they can do certain things. Imagine your Mom getting into the cockpit of a 747. Even if she’s a licensed pilot, your level of trust coincides with the situation. Match the situation with the dose of trust required or the imbalance will cause issues.
Power – My CPA Mom can’t say, “I’m not paying taxes.”
This final ingredient dictates the outcome’s probability of success. Unless your Mom is the IRS, she does not have the power not to pay taxes. She could have integrity and even the capability, but without power, the other two cannot force successful outcomes.
One of our favorite references on Trust is Joel Peterson’s The 10 Laws of Trust. Review these often to ensure you are building and reciprocating relationships in ways that are aligned with your core values:
- Start with integrity
- Invest in respect
- Empower everyone
- Require accountability
- Create a winning vision
- Keep everyone informed
- Budget in line with expectations
- Embrace conflict
- Forget “you” to become an effective leader
Take-away
When we launched our social media campaign, “Never Trust an Amateur”, we wanted to validate a strong belief many of us share: we should recognize integrity as a core element of any relationship. But that should never dictate ability or power. Those kinds of trust are very different. Where we get into trouble is when we confuse the three different types of trust.